Having had the privilege of being around young children for multiple years, I have been introduced to Fear on a whole new level. Now don’t get all defensive! I don’t mean your precious angels instilled a new kind of fear in me, oh no! I mean I have been witness to the intriguing world of fear whose residents are primarily children.
Ancraophobia - the fear of wind
Automysophobia - the fear of getting dirty (how can childhood even happen without getting dirty?!)
Toilet Flush Phobia - surely ‘the fear of toilets flushing’ deserves a more clinical name like “PorcelainThroneophobia” or how about “ToiletFlushActivatorphobia”?? This segment of the population deserves recognition, too!
My childhood fear of the dark (Nyctophobia) is quite likely the most prevalent phobia amongst us lily livered beings. I know I am not alone when I say my fear went way beyond “normal”. I hurtled to a state of terror the instant the lights went out. If the closet door was left open by a crack or a stray stuffy lay peeking out under the bed creating an ominous shadow, there was no assurance my soul would still be intact with my physical body by morning. Such was my fear. Can you relate?
I remember vividly my crazed and irrational fabrications. I can still hear my pounding heart in my ears, feel my darting eyes strain and gasping breath wheeze. Petrified to move I am pinned to my bed praying for rescue until sleep overtakes me or morning light comes at last.
But Why?
Why? I have often wondered how an innocent child can conjure such terrifying images especially without the aid of horror movies, scary books or traumatic abuse? And yet it is there all the same. At some point in our growing up most fears fade away while others manage to be overcome by reason and sheer bravery.
I recall my courageous 8 year old self covered in a cold sweat, quaking with oxygen barely able to squeeze into my constricted lungs. I manage to keep myself upright as I fling the closet door wide daring The Worst Thing Ever to grab me. Or willing my racing heart and pupil-filled eyes to not just look but SEE what was under the bed even if it meant certain death! These were my heroic acts in the face of Sheer Terror. As an adult I applaud my young self for finding the strength to defy debilitating obstacles regardless of their nebulous origins. I was so very brave. Unbeknownst to me, I was practicing “exposure therapy” which I believe was instrumental in conquering a very real fear.
As an adult, I want answers. I want to understand. So, I search. I read. I ponder.
What my research unearths is unsatisfying. “Fear is normal.” “Fear is healthy, even.” and “Fear is an adaptive behavior that we have to identify threats” over millions of years of evolution where we needed to fear in order to survive. Basically, “Fear has kept us alive.” Hmmm….. I’m not sure about all that, so I look for other answers.
Someone to Blame
Ooh! How about “Learned Behavior”? Hmmm….just another thing we can blame on our parents! I decide to forgo this explanation as well. I, for one, blame my parents for far too much already so I think I will give them a break despite what science and researchers claim.
I guess I was hoping to find something to back my inklings that such unexplained childhood fears may originate from past lives or some deeper, darker spiritual side of reality, but that would be researching with the intent to confirm my beliefs without weighing other explanations. So I’ll leave that little theory alone for now as well (but you see how I planted that thought in your brain, right?!)
What I will present to you is a useful list of causes posted by Cari Romm from The Cut (to see the full article click here https://www.learning-mind.com/causes-of-fear/.) I include them here because I think they hold some benefit for those of us who have moved beyond our childhood fears yet still utter words in our daily lives like, “I am afraid if I do this I will….”
| Cause | Response |
|---|---|
| 1. Failure | Can it really be a failure if you tried? “Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” - Denis Waitley |
| 2. Decidophobia | It’s a thing! You know, if you make a decision and realize it’s not a good one, you can decide to make a different decision! |
| 3. Negative Scenarios | Ooh! Here is where I excel! Not in making up negative scenarios but in positive potential outcomes! Negative stories "feed fear". If you can’t see the other options, find someone who can and see how their perspective “breeds peace”. One source said, “Our brains equate darkness with the frightening side of unlimited possibility.” I immediately respond with, “Right! Unlimited Possibilities of goodness and greatness!” |
| 4. Trust Issues | This is a tough one because it is sparked by hurts that have really happened. This one will take a lot of work. Remember that trust issues “keep the good things out”. Start with forgiveness for past “bads”. |
| 5. Insecurities | We all have them. Can we take the time to discover where they come from? Dare to ask ourselves honestly if they are true? And realize where our self worth comes from? (Hint - it is NOT from others!) |
| 6. Perfectionism | Look, once and for all NOBODY is perfect! Get over it!! Okay, that was a little harsh, especially coming from a non-perfectionist! |
| 7. Past Trauma | Here is something that will affect every area of your life. Someone recently asked me if I had ever gone to counseling. Immediately tears stung my eyes. My answer was “no”, but intrinsically I knew it should be “yes”. Take stock. Get the help you need. Let’s stop limiting Life. |
Slay the Dragon
Afraid of counseling? Ya, there’s a word for that, too. It’s called the Fear of Being Judged. I hear you; I feel you. I often think of what might come out of my ramblings! How embarrassing! Who would believe it? That’s another fear = the Fear of Facing My Own Story. Think I better go and find my Brave Young Self again and force that bare foot from under the comfort of the warm, safe blanket and place it on the cold, hard floor littered with Unlimited Possibility.
Dare with me. Pick one thing you are afraid of. Sit with it. Find out where it comes from. Reason with it. Say what is true. Get in the face of it. Slay the Dragon!
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Oof, this is a hard one. I think we like to imagine we don’t have real fear - just a healthy amount which is rather optimistic! I liked the “fear of wind” and the “porcelain throne phobia”! Haha! All real fears if not a little different. I definitely want to face fears along side you though I’m sure we will have different fears to face. I’m proud that you are beginning the journey. It will encourage me to face my own too!
Im sure this will resonate with many people. All people if they are being honest. My biggest fear at the moment is not being able to hack it alone. But, fear only stops me enough to make me cry or feel pity or stress. Funny enough though, I will have to try whether I think im ready or not. Fear IS a liar