Words

The conversation between you and me was coming along nicely for this little talk-about. I could see it unfold like a flower opening for morning’s light and then closing in a tight embrace as evening falls holding all the words of encouragement for further contemplation. Words! How I love them! Their ability to create worlds, images, emotions from…nothing, really. Power, love, ideas. Thoughts made concrete. Certainly, this love is no surprise what with me pecking out my words in type attempting to harness some connection between thoughts and humanity. 

For me, written words in particular deliver the most impact. There's something about the visual form my eye sees in conjunction with my mind’s voice verbalizing what is seen that allows imagery to arise far more vivid than in hearing it alone.

Just look at this!

 I am mesmerized by this…what is it?? I am not really sure, but it is so cool and covered in all those wonderful words!

The Birthday Book 

Recently, very recently, like a colorful marker connecting a dot-to-dot to reveal a surprise image as the last dot is found, a few more "dots" were connected in my world of self. Words in print are the ink completing the picture. 

But let’s step back a few years. I would like your world to be thrown off just a smidge as mine was when I happened across The Secret Language of Birthdays - Personology Profiles for Each Day of the Year. This hefty volume was laid open in a place of prominence in my eldest daughter’s house. Full of fascinating information, ideas, history of famous peoples with birthdays on that particular day, strengths, weaknesses, etc. Each day ending with a meditation meant to be succinctly useful for its targeted birthday reader. 

Overall, I am not sure how much stock I put into such recordings but obviously enough for me to flip straight to July 31 and consume what it has to say! Being a Leo, I am eager to read and doubt not my ego will be flattered, which I shall enjoy immensely. I give a cursory nod to my well-known weaknesses and am certain I will feel better for having read my “meditation”.  

And so my eyes happily scan the pages.
Soon I am chuckling and exclaiming, “how true!” (I am such an agreeable sort, you know.) And for the cherry on top, I read aloud the meditation meant to be a helpful guiding piece of wisdom.

I read,

"All words are LIES"

Say what?? And just like that, I am mad! I LOVE words!! What in the world could this mean? 

I hate to admit how troubled I am by these four words. I attempt to erase them from my mind, but they linger. My mind wonders, "Am I a liar? Do I not have a trusting nature? Do I spin the truth?" These are not comforting thoughts. What do I do with all the words I have written and want to write? Are they lies? 

A calmer soul steps in and offers this suggestion: perhaps it is referring to word limitations. Think about how words tend to box in and shave off all that desires expression. How can words truly capture Beauty? Life? Emotions? Time? They are “lies” because they can’t fully tell the truth. And yet we writers will continue to try because it is the tool we have. 

And then quite abruptly I feel immensely tired. Tired of myself. Could it be I am once again circling in the dark stumbling over common life themes while reaching blindly for revelations? While out stumbling about I bump into one Emily Dickenson, who too was searching. She says to me,

 “I am out with lanterns looking for myself.”

Will we never be found?

Retreat

I decide to ditch this conversation with you and stick my nose in a pleasant novel instead. Well, wouldn’t you know it?  

A call from a friend comes in and I listen as she laments over her struggle adjusting to this particular time of life. “I’m this old and I still don’t know what I like to do or who I really am!”

Is there an echo around here?

Sigh. 

Back to my book I go hoping to be transported to a world where I can believe anything is possible. That we love the best characters because they are wholly themselves. Encouragement (no matter it comes from fiction) I shouldn’t give up yet. And there it is. A paragraph that makes me cry. Written words that draw a line from one dot to the next aiding in making a picture more comprehensible. As the storyline gently moves along, the town rector finds himself with the heavy responsibility of taking care of a young boy. Things are tough. I read, “There was (the boy’s) own notebook which had skidded across the counter. He saw that the boy had written his name many times on the cover, over and over. Trying to make himself real…” *

Whoa! Trying to make himself real…

So, if this fictional character, a personal friend, Emily and myself can relate then chances are there are many more if not most of the human race who will know exactly of what I speak. Aren’t we all trying “to become real”? How we do that will vary for sure. Your “meditation” might actually make you happy instead of mad! 

Dot to Dot

In the last few days, an awareness of how obvious my search has been becomes quite clear. I have been out “with my lantern” gathering written words defining who my soul knows I am/should be.  

At one point, I was so moved by a word I had it branded on my arm as a constant visual - concrete written reminder - of what my life is supposed to be about in case I forget or get side-tracked by a flashier life calling.

Shall we call it "Dot #1"? 

The marker moves faster and faster connecting all the words I have been collecting. I can't believe how obvious this stockpiling of words/self has been. From t-shirts to hats to titles of books to bags of coffee, stickers and graffiti, my foraging has been real! 

Here's a peek at Dots #2-9: 

Connecting

My picture is becoming more and more clear. I'm beginning to recognize the shape it is taking.

What is it that speaks to you about you? What is helping define this next you? I encourage you not to pick a person. After all, that’s their story, not yours. Choose something inanimate yet fully alive. Music, art, poetry, work, service, nature - that thing that stirs your soul. What makes you say, “Ah! There I am!” 

Fortunately, it is an adventure that never ends. That is good news for us! How interesting our lives are!    

“The firefly only shines when on the wing. So it is with us - when we stop, we darken.” **

Don’t darken, my friend. Shine on. Connect those dots.