Some Bad, Bad Days

Last we spoke I talked about my Kia Soul (If you missed it, you can read that story here: Now That I Have a Soul / Blog | Sojourner's Yarn (sojournersyarn.online). Rejoiced even with my good fortune of driving a bright and shiny brand-new car. And then, a turn of events.  

Now that some good days have risen to the surface and I have basked in the glory and warmth of those days, I am at long last able to sit and write about some bad, bad days. I began writing about this string of “bad luck” mid-March and just now have recovered enough to tell the tale with a sense of grim humor. Let’s begin there…

I Sit with Job

Today is March 21 and yet February still shadows my soul and mood like Mt. Doom. I think the Universe has been trying to tell me something and it can seriously stop talking right NOW! It’s been a little rough over here lately. So rough, as a matter of fact, that my sister after hearing my list of woes says, “Big Sis, it’s beginning to sound like the book of Job over there!”

I will recount my woes as I sit in sackcloth and ashes pleading for the mountains to crush me. After weeks of silence, I am ready to engage in conversation only due to the fact I detect a faint scent of fresh spring air. Perhaps the sun will succeed in rising over the horizon in the next day or two. 

The month of February has barely dawned and 2024 begins a fateful swirl down the drain of depressing events. I have taken my little Red Inferno to the car wash and cleaned and vacuumed like a responsible, proud new car owner. In the wee hours of the very next morning, I am awakened by a neighbor banging on my apartment door. The news is not good. The news is difficult to process. I must see it with my own eyes.

I spend my next few days off filing a police report, getting a tow, dealing with insurance, and feeling vulnerable and angry. Why do people do things like this? Fortunately they were not successful in actually stealing my Little Red Ruby, but after breaking out both back windows and ripping down the ignition…..let’s just say this is a bit of a setback. I am car-less for two weeks. I manage rides to work but am pretty much stuck at home on the other days which could have been a very productive time of creating and writing. But it is impossible to summon any words let alone knit something I am proud of. I feel a bit ashamed that a rotten circumstance would deflate me so. 

Woe Is Me

I make a car payment even though I haven’t driven in nearly two weeks. I feel sorry for myself. I attempt to finish a crochet project I’ve been working on forever - it must be taken out and started over. I sit at my computer willing myself to write…. nothing. 

So, I embrace the darkness of it all. Cozy up with it in fact and tell myself to wait it out. Hibernate as it were. “This too shall pass” and all that positive thinking.

Days do pass. February continues. Sometimes you just have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get over yourself. I decide to pick up some extra hours at work to offset the deductible costs I am facing. I applaud myself for being proactive. Whilst trying to salvage my bank account, I detect a slight twinge in my back. And am I feeling feverish? My throat is scratchy, and I am so very, very tired. The pain persists and deary me, I think I recall this tightness in my side from years past. It has a name: Kidney Stone. 

Congratulations! You're Old

I trade my extra shift for a sick day so instead of extra hours I have negative hours. There is no applause for this turn of events. At the doctor, I find out there is no circumstantial evidence of a kidney stone or any infection but I may want to keep an eye on my cholesterol and A1C. Wait. What? I am just old??

Discouragement seems synonymous with February. Will it ever end?

Still willing to pull harder on those bootstraps, I prepare for a little trip. Surely, a planned fun trip with a favorite person will break this evil spell. 

Is that the Sun?

I am buried. Buried under the weight of a heavy wet mountain of snow that symbolizes a weight of wondering if things will ever go right again? Are all these “messages” trying to tell me something and I am just too stubborn to hear? Perhaps, because I am yet unable to decipher the meaning. I give up my plans for a road trip, stay home and acquiesce to what is happening right here in town. Later that day I pile into a car with fellow cabin fever folks to wander a few slushy streets for thrifting, groceries and lunch. My spirits are rising because being with people you love is a blessing full of laughter, camaraderie, coffee and innate understanding of the occasional foul mood. 

With movie on hold yet a theatrical vision of my front tooth turning gray along with the rest of my ivories playing through my mind, I search to find a dentist who can get me in pronto. As I lay back in the chair blinded by a light that will reveal yet another February Fate, I am told I am lucky - LUCKY!! (Mr. Dentist, you have no idea what you are saying!) - the tooth only broke through four of the layers instead of five. They will be able to reconstruct it without much trouble. 

As he fixes the amalgam, I pray that the cost will be $300 or less and attempt to visualize that number in hopes of making it materialize. It seems like a reasonable price for something that is “not much trouble”. I hear rustling of papers, so I open my eyes to the receptionist sporting leopard print slippers. She flips through the pages of details and with a smile of perfect pearlies, says, “So in all it will be $700. How does that sound?” 

The Edge

SEVEN hundred dollars!!

HOW DOES THAT SOUND??!!

I demand a moment. Like really, lady, I need you to leave this little cubicle you’ve placed me in so I can have a moment. She scuffs away picking up goodness knows what on her fuzzy slippers. I breath in deeply, very aware of the jagged tooth my tongue keeps brushing against. 

I breath out. God and I have a quick conversation about my entire February Situation. But I have to thank Him. Once again, I am not stranded.

I am not alone.

I am not destitute.

I have the money in savings - how is it even possible I have been able to put money aside “for such a time as this”? I don’t really know, but it is there.

I am blessed.

I am taken care of.

Thank goodness I have an adventurous spirit because it appears I am doomed - let me rephrase that - I am chosen to live life on the edge (in this case the jagged edge, if you will!) 

What to Do